Questionable Review: Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides

I'm gonna provide full disclosure. I'm a big Pirates of the Caribbean fan. While I don't think anybody will begrudge me being a fan of Curse of the Black Pearl, it being a wholly fun and self-contained bit of swashbuckling cinema and a pretty good film to boot, I have a hard time defending my support of the last two films of the trilogy. With On Stranger Tides, Pirates has a rare opportunity; to start anew with a fresh adventure for Captain Jack Sparrow to sink his gilded teeth into.

Is it rough tides or smooth sailing?

WHAT IS THIS MOVIE ABOUT?

Following the events of At World's End, Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp) has since abandoned his quest to the Fountain of Youth and gone aground once more. However, when someone in London is using his good (or shall we say, bad) name to recruit a crew and a ship, Sparrow cannot help but be pulled into another piratical adventure. Forcibly employed by the fierce Captain Blackbeard (Ian McShane) and the captain's illegitimate daughter, Angelica (Penelope Cruz), Jack must use his special brand of cunning to stay alive and, if he's lucky, profit. Throw in the dogged Hector Barbossa (Geoffrey Rush) pursuing Blackbeard and his crew, vicious man-eating mermaids, and miles of treacherous jungle, the path to the Fountain of Youth promises to be an eventful one.

WHAT IS GREAT ABOUT THIS MOVIE?

Stripped of the weighty melodrama of the previous two (as well as most of the peripheral characters) this is a leaner Pirates movie that re-focuses the scope of the series on the fun. At the center of that, as always, is Johnny Depp as Sparrow. With the plot no longer hinging on his own motivations, Depp is allowed to do what he does best; become an absolute torrent of energy and silliness. It helps that he's bolstered by a dynamite cast.

McShane shines as Blackbeard. His utter callousness and coldness both contrasts with and puts him shoulder to shoulder with the memorable baddies of the Pirates franchise. Cruz also provides an interesting new dynamic, taking on the strong female presence of the film. However, as a hardened pirate herself, she doesn't contain the same naivety of the Elizabeth Swan character, and her past with Sparrow gives new situations for Depp to bounce off of. Speaking of actors with good chemistry, Geoffrey Rush is perhaps the most fun to watch here than ever before, and when his Barbossa and Depp's Sparrow cross paths, they are an absolute riot.

WHAT SUCKS ABOUT THIS MOVIE?

As much fun as I found many of the action sequences in this, I can't help but feel director Rob Marshall wasn't quite sure how much attention to give each of them. As such, while I did truly enjoy early sequences involving a carriage chase and a lengthy sword fight between Jack Sparrow and his doppelganger, they seemed like overlong padding following the film's lengthy runtime. Fighting mermaids and pilfering Spanish camps provide for great action fodder, but is it really necessary to insert "action" scenes into every possible space? As such, the pacing of film is affected, and even Pirate fans may find themselves finding Jack's adventure a tad too long.

Speaking of mermaids (and the superfluous), the romance between the missionary Philip and the mermaid Syrena isn't a worthwhile sub-plot. Though both characters are fine in their supporting roles, too much time is given to just the two of them and, again, this leads to bloated scenes where not much progress is made. This is a better paced and leaner Pirates adventure, to be sure, but it could have been even MORE so if some of the fat had been trimmed.

ANYTHING ELSE?

It's my understanding there are going to be more Pirates films. If they go the route of Tides, being wholly self-contained adventures for Jack Sparrow, I'm in full support. Still, given the ending of this film, hell if I know where the franchise is headed. Maybe that's the fun part...

WHAT IS THE FINAL VERDICT?

If you're not a fan of the Pirates franchise, or fell out of love with series after Curse of the Black Pearl, this is probably your best chance to get back into the spirit of piracy since that first fantastic film. On Stranger Tides is flawed, yes, but it's also a lot of fun. Good action and set-pieces are bolstered by an undeniably talented cast. Don't expect On Stranger Tides to be the stuff of legends, but its got enough memorable moments to make it worthy of a trip to Tortuga (or the theatre).

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Impressions of E3 2010 (The Short Version)

Perhaps it is just my incredibly lazy nature, or perhaps it is simply because I just finished my review for "Get Him to the Greek", but I'm going to keep my thoughts on last week's Electronic 3 convention extremely brief (by my standards at least). Actually, come to think of it, I'm probably rushing through this simply because I really don't have much to say about this year's E3. I thought that it was, for all intents and purposes, pretty mediocre. I usually have some kind of electric buzz coming off of E3 because of all the anticipated titles and hardware that get announced, but this year just kinda has me feeling a bit deflated.

To give it a fair shake, however, let's run through the stuff that I DID like about this year's E3, and some of the stuff I didn't like...

WHAT WAS GOOD

• Strong showings for returning franchises. Gears of War, Metal Gear Solid, Rock Band, Donkey Kong, Castlevania, Kirby, and many more returning series showed off some pretty damn impressive new games. Personally, being a big Castlevania fanboy, seeing TWO brand new offerings coming down the pipeline later this year has be uber-excited.
• New Xbox 360 model looks slick. I'm usually not too huge on the hardware unveilings, but when I saw that sweet looking new 360 that Microsoft is putting out, I went into full geek-out mode. My battered and worn 360 that I've had since launch is still functioning, but I think I've paid enough dues for an upgrade. Only time will tell if I go through with it.
• Nintendo is bringin' the heat! It was a surprise to see that, out of all the press conferences, I felt Nintendo's brought the most to the table. Not only did they show off the new hardware of the Nintendo 3DS, but they brought a huge brace of games from some of their most popular franchises; many of which haven't had proper console iterations in some time now. Way to go, dudes.
• Disney? Yes, Disney is moving up in the world of gaming, bringing Epic Mickey, Tron, and Pirates of the Caribbean: Armada of the Damned to the show floor this year. And they all looked AWESOME. I genuinely am getting excited about what this more serious approach could mean for future licensed Disney software.

WHAT WAS CRAP

• The goddamn Kinect. I am already sick of this thing and it isn't even released yet. Some of the interface functions of it seem actually kinda cool and intriguing, but as far as playing games with it? No thank you. Besides Dance Central, all the "games" seem like little more than dumb tech demos for a casual audience. I know that Microsoft is trying to reach an all new audience, but they risk alienating the "core" of their existing following.
• Where are the new properties? Yes, I enjoyed the fact that existing franchises are getting some great new installments, but where's the originality? C'mon developers, bring in those new IP's!
• The Legend of Zelda: Derivative Ass Game Number 5. I think that simply because it has been around so long, people think that Zelda is beyond reproach. It isn't. In fact, people should be reproaching the shit out of that franchise at this point. Ever since Ocarina of Time, that seems to be the only game that keeps getting made repeatedly in this series. Ocarina of Time is a great game, and I know the fanboys are going to cry if there is any deviation from that vein, but this franchise needs a shot in the ass.